It’s been about two years since I converted. I have many things within my mind that I am trying to organize and share effectively.
– I digress, but there are many things I know about the bible, history, environmental & biological science, quantum physics, astronomy, etc. that tie into and prove what I’ve learned within the Quran.
It’s easy to understand for me, and discuss with those who are the same page. But to break it all down and map it out for everyone of different levels of intelligence is another thing. –
Back to the point – I am torn between two things; Part of me wants to simply follow Allah and take care of my own faith – another part of me feels obligated to share what I know. It really is a burden on me to take on the latter. I am responsible for what I share or teach; If anyone in any way is misguided by what I say – I am responsible. Not only that, it usually goes against my nature to do this.
Naturally I am someone who only listens to someone and decides for herself if they are right or wrong, without really confronting or arguing with them. I like to keep to myself. Very seldom do I discuss my thoughts and opinions – I always choose carefully who I speak to; At the same time – It is difficult to find someone to speak to, because many like to speak themselves instead of listen.
So one can see my predicament – I naturally would rather not host this site or debate with others. But again, I feel with what I know, I cannot simply keep it to myself.
When I am speaking, debating or writing – I constantly check myself. I realize whenever pride gets in my way and I remember to take a step back and humble myself.
It is difficult when addressing others beliefs. It is easier for others to insult me, rather than reason or just plain listen. I do make mistakes and get angry also – I am only human. It really takes a toll on me – and I am disgusted how it all affects me. It brings me down and stresses me out.
I have to remind myself of how I felt two years ago. I have to take a break and focus on myself. Remember how I broke through the lies and intimidation, and affirmed my beliefs deep down.
When I mention my beliefs deep down, I am describing the many thoughts that would resonate in my mind about how things are, but would then be repressed by insecurity and doubt.
Insecurity and doubt – Caused by a world wrapped up in falsehood. Falsehood could be applied to many things – but what I’m talking about is Society. We’re coming into an age where Religious people are seen as stupid, ignorant, and/or dangerous. When, on the contrary its the other way around.
Ashamed to accept my beliefs and believe in Allah – I used to be more concerned about what others would think of me instead of listening to reason.
So the most important thing I have to remind myself of is –
When you fear others instead of Allah, that is when things become dangerous to your spiritual health. Allah (swt) is the only one who can guide us on the right path. Allah is the only one I should fear.
♥ Saida Isir ♥